Brunch Results

Things have been busy at McConnell Art HQ. After that amazing fund raiser for last week, I have a massive stack of art to mail out. Expect an announcement next week about a new contest and artist being represented!

In regards to the brunch contest, the entries have been tallied and a choice has been made. After much diliberation and discussion, Brandon has decided on a winner. Thanks to everyone for their brunch suggestions. It was not an easy choice. Brandon has decided to give each of the non-winning entries a copy of our forthcoming coming sketchbook as a treat and thank you. Ain’t he swell.

Here is Tristan Cooper’s winning pick!

Ultimate Brunch
I’d heard that the Blueberry Chainsaw was the new brunch spot all the cool kids went to, but I was a little skeptical. The name sounded like something a North Portland hipster wiped off his shoe. Two things happened when I opened the door.

At first I was inundated by the thickness of the Breakfast Air in the place. It was like someone was pumping in aerosol strawberry jam through the vents, like the mobsters do with oxygen at the casinos in Vegas.

The second thing was the maitre d’, Abraham Lincoln.

He was just as tall as I’d imagined him, and he gave me a warm, casual smile as he asked how many were in my party. Four. Me and three of my closest friends. I’d lost touch with all of them over the years, but somehow we all managed to make a date for brunch.

Abe ducked slightly under an awning as he showed us to our seats in a spacious booth. As we sat down I gazed up at the humongous flatscreen TV that hung above us. A John Carpenter movie was on, Big Trouble in Little China. It had just started. Kurt Russell slung trucker lingo over his CB as I perused the simple menu. “EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANTED” was emblazoned across the top of the laminated paper. The menu was telling the truth.

Emma Stone soon introduced herself as our waitress and handed us our placemats, the four most complete documents of the Dead Sea Scrolls. She was just as witty as when she had writers. We placed our orders and she poured us complimentary gourmet coffee that she said was from Indonesia. Emma Stone explained it was one of the rarest coffees in the world, that they make it from collecting coffee beans from the poop of the Asian Palm Civet. Because it was Emma Stone, we all took a sip of the poo coffee. It wasn’t bad, but we agreed that the best part was that we got to tell people Emma Stone served us poo coffee. I made a dumb poop joke and she laughed and winked as she touched my shoulder. I like to think it was because I charmed her — it wasn’t like she needed the tip money.

We reminisced during the short wait for our food. We were given funky 70s silverware with big plastic pastel colored handles right before our brunch was served. Kurt Russell had just ran over Lo Pan with his semi truck.

The steam rising from my meal masked it at first. It dissipated and I was met with an amorphous grey-brown blob. It looked like fermented garbage a hobo would use to make pisswine, but I couldn’t wait to eat it. Biscuits and gravy never cared about looking good anyway. I devoured it with my light pink fork and mint green knife. The sleazy gravy, the chewy sausage, the still-crisp and buttery biscuits. They had even put some bacon in there — usually bacon is $1.50 extra but they didn’t charge me.

When I finished I wanted to undo the belt I don’t wear and take a light coma for the afternoon. I glanced over at my friends, and they had similarly content and sleepy expressions on their faces. Funny, I don’t remember what they had to eat. We got up just as Lo Pan was about to marry Kim Cattral and the shit was gonna go down. It was ok though, it’s on Netflix.

Abe saw us leaving and called us a cab ride home. We sleptsat in the taxi and we were dropped off one by one. I was the last to leave and when I finally got into bed I couldn’t help but think about how much I wanted to tell my roommate about the new brunch spot all the cool kids are going to.


Jimmy Mikkelsen:

Benny Nyikos and Lani Goto:

Diced potatoes with caramelized onions and chunks of smoked ham, with a soft-boiled egg cracked over it.
A fruit salad with pieces of red grapefruit, strawberries, and mangoes.
Almond croissants.
Fresh-squeezed tangerine juice.
English Breakfast black tea with choice of milk, sugar, or lemon.
Crusty sourdough bread with slabs of salty cheese.

Daniel Clough:
Josh Jackson:
It would be early October, perhaps late September, a dry, clear and blustery morning. Cold enough to justify wearing pajama pants. Cold enough so that the oven and stove, working in harmonic unison, will subtly imbue the house with fragrant warmth. Cold; just not (you know) fucking freezing. There should be music playing, but this is a delicate issue and generally a case by case basis dependent upon the company you are expecting. However, Stereolab’s Sound-Dust is as safe a bet as there is; it’s pristine, nicely variegated, has nice synthesizers/song structures and Laetitia’s voice will never let you down. If euro-pop is not an option there is always, of course, Tortoise.
   Initially, at the outset of brunch, there must be tea (black tea [preferably a lavender Earl Grey] + milk + sugar) and chocolate croissants. Waking up food, saying good morning to yr palette food. Simple, rustic and familiar.
   2nd course could only ever be frittata. To be specific: peach-cherry-bacon frittata, thoroughly dusted with a mellow italian cheese. I realize this could sound weird but it works magnificently. The salt and fat of the bacon supports the sweetness of the fruit and then you realize that this combination is ensconced within eggs and cheese and you’re obliged to high-five everyone who is sitting at the table. This would ideally be served with cold watermelon soup and orange juice (fresh squeezed or Simply Orange).
   Lastly, if you still have room (and goddammit you better) is french toast stuffed with orange infused cream cheese.  It’s crispy and buttery, and then it has this wonderful citrus+dairy bite. You drink yr coffee with it and you thank god that food exists.
   Now that you won’t have to eat until, like, well into the evening you should just flip that record over and play some Scrabble, maybe watch a Miyazaki movie, maybe read some Hellboy and try to imagine how blessed you are.
Drew Applegate:
mmmmm, how about french toast bagels and any type of fruit juice i want along with freshly home-made waffles with apples and lots of whipped cream. Also fried chicken to eat with the waffles. Hash browns are also a must~
Matt Taylor:
Ok so here’s my ultimate brunch scenario. I’ve included a diagram to put you in the picture…

So we’re at my favourite cafe, but its half empty so the service is prompt but not pushy. Its mid sunday morning and there’s a beautiful glow of hung over camaraderie as Jamie Hewlett, Jimi Hendrix, Paul Pope and I sit down to baked eggs and espresso martinis with a giant stack of comics – 90s 2000 AD’s, Nick Fury and some Appleseed – something for everyone. Jimi was tere first – I’m not sure if he went home, but he’s just strumming along to Toots and the Maytals and George Benson on the stereo as endless rounds of Espresso Martinis are poured and baked eggs are consumed.

Everyone is pretty toasted as sketchbooks are passed around and by the time we stagger out the door to find somewhere for a liquid lunch and a prolonged discourse about comic books andwhere the hell they’re going, the sun is up and a resounding feeling of well being with the state of the world washes over you. Your weekly concerns are gone for now as you slap Hewlett on the back and call him an old geezer. The 4 of you laugh, striding up the hill like socially relevant super heroes… untouchable, unbeatable, glowing.

Best brunch ever.

Rachel Stewart:
Dream brunch would be a full English Breakfast with Waffles, PG Tips tea and a French 75.
Pete Wissinger:
So, brunch needs to be epic.  If you eat brunch (around 10 or 11 in the morning or so), it is an important meal.  This means you have to eat two meals at once to last long enough to make it to dinner.  I’m from St. Louis and there’s a dish served at every greasy spoon diner that satisfies the brunch requirements for greatness.

I introduce to you, the St. Louis original:

THE SLINGER (process of creating this masterpiece follows)

Start with a layer of fried potatoes (hashbrowns)
Top this with a few pieces of sausage (I often substitute bacon here)
Top this with two sunny side up eggs
Top this with chili (some places do gravy instead)
Top this with sharp cheese

Eat with a few buttery pieces of rye toast to sop up the extra chili.  This pairs well with black coffee or a dark beer.

I make these at home when I can, though often don’t have all the ingredients, meaning that I just clean out my refrigerator and crack an egg over it.

Brunch mission: accomplished.

Mike ___:

Brunch is an important meal, because it mixes breakfast and lunch like two dangerous chemicals. While danger is something most people try to avoid, the life of a hero is fraught with peril, making danger an everyday occurrence. Brunch is the natural meal choice for heroes. However, heroes need to stay on their toes, and any food they eat should have some kind of benefit. This Hero’s Brunch is specifically designed to be a meal that powers up even the weakest of warriors.


Toast Soldiers: For loyalty and solidarity.


Hydra Bacon: Every time you eat a piece, two more take its place.


Swordfish Steak: Keeps you sharp


Ostrich Omelet: Increases running speed and kick strength.


Rashers: For a burst of boldness


Orange, Black, and Blue Juice: A mixture of three fruit juices, ensures all your organs stay the right color, helps heal bruises


Yak Milk: Provides protection against cold and increased hair growth


Six Apple Strudel: A necessity for any hero, incorporates apples geared towards improving the quality and range of life. Contains:

Fuji Apple: Mountainous Strength

Golden Apple: Longevity

Crab Apple: Underwater breathing

Knowledge of Good and Evil Apple: For those tough decisions

Honey Crisp Apple: Stay sweet and fresh

Secret Apple: Adds a extra dose of mystery


A few important points to keep in mind:

While this meal can be shared, an important part of the cooking process is that the hero obtains all of the ingredients by themselves. Many items lose their magical properties if they are bought. Theft, however, is perfectly okay.


This menu is only a basic outline. Suitably heroic dishes may be added depending on the circumstances. Yet, there are a few food items that should be avoided. For example, yellow foods, or chicken.

Rob Michaud:

Three words:




Kendra K.:

I have actually made this brunch before, but I’ll include some ‘future

additions’ to make it THE ULTIMATE VERSION©.
FIRST you make a bunch of crepes.
THEN you layer them with all the delicious spreads that are in your
pantry–Marshmallow Fluff, Nutella, any fruity jams, Biscoff Spread
(, dulce de leche, etc.
THEN you cover this whole tower of goodness with chocolate ganache, and dig in.
To make this brunch perfect, I’d add freshly squeezed orange juice
(from one of those orange juice squeezer carousels) and maple-glazed
bacon. Not only is the brunch more delicious now, but it’s even
HEALTHY (…vitamin c, right?).
Then I’d see if Vin Diesel wanted to play Dungeons and Dragons with
my friends and I, since that’d just make this the best brunch ever. If
I couldn’t get Vin Diesel to come over, I’d just pay Nic Cage since
he’s contractually obligated to do anything if it involves making

Anyway, I’ve attached some pics and a drawing I did as an example 8)

Neil Bramlette:

As for the perfect brunch, country ham and French toast with mimosas to drink.

Sam Hodge:

Talked it over with my friend and we both agree.  Made it Sunday morning.  About the only time my brunch is ever this good is when I’m sick.  Huevos Rancheros w/ beer (of course) is the best brunch.  Nuff said.

Spencer Davidson:

So for an appetizer you start off a plate of hash browns with chicken nuggets mixed in. On the side, you have some bacon, but move over eggs because bacon has a new best friend. You drizzle those strips of bacon with warm fudge.

For the main course, you have an old fashioned cheeseburger, only instead of hamburger meat, you use corn beef hash. Replace the tomato with pineapple, and I’d use mayonnaise for a condiment. To go alongside that, instead of fries, have some nice scrambled eggs and use your ketchup on those.

For desert, make some chocolate chip pancakes. For a topping, use powdered donuts. And don’t forget to drizzle syrup and powdered sugar on that for some good eats.

And no matter what, this brunch comes with a slice of cantaloupe at the end.

Alex Geddes:

In my opinion, a good brunch needs the following (though not particularly in this order):
– Scrambled eggs
– Buttermilk pancakes
– Crispy bacon
– Waffles
– Hash browns
– Muffins of every variety
– Bloody Marys.

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